Hattie's Birth Story

Hattie was due April 10. Since both our other kids were born right around their due dates (William the day before his and Hope the day after hers), we were prepared for Hattie to come right on time. Or, better yet, early! April 10 came and went with nary a sign of labor. Zilch. Nothing. Nada. I made multiple “last” trips to the grocery store. I meticulously kept every article of clothing washed, dried, and put away. I made freezer meals. I made more freezer meals. I played in the rain with my kids and took them to get ice cream. I managed to squeeze in a hair cut for Hope. And I tried to maintain the deep clean of the house I had paid for at 39 weeks and was just SO ANNOYED at how dirty the baseboards were getting before we even had a chance to bring baby home.

The one thing I didn’t do? I didn’t really do anything crazy to try to get labor to start. Thankfully, having gone into labor on my own twice before, I was reasonably confident that my body would eventually get with the program and she would come when she was ready. Yes, the waiting game was annoying. But, honestly, if I hadn’t had to deal with other people during that time, I think I would have been totally fine. So, just as a little PSA, if you know a Mama who is close to (or past) her due date, maybe don’t ask her if she’s “had that baby yet?” :)

I really only had two real concerns prior to Hattie’s birth. One was that I had tested positive for Group B Strep at my 37 week appointment. We had decided that I would receive IV antibiotics during labor (the standard, precautionary treatment for GBS which can be deadly for infants) when some attempts at getting rid of it naturally didn’t work. The catch? For the antibiotics to be effective, you really need 2 doses, spaced 3 hours apart, before the baby is born. Hope’s delivery was so quick, I was worried that there wouldn’t be time to get the antibiotics if Hattie’s birth followed suit. I also tend to have a few nights of “warm up” contractions before the real thing. I was praying, and had friends praying, that the Lord would give me wisdom and discernment to know when it was time to go to the birth center.

The other was that my beloved doula/photographer’s wedding was April 18. So, if I wanted her to attend my birth-and I REALLY wanted her to attend my birth-I needed to have this baby by the 17th. Yes, she is so amazing that she was willing to be at my birth up to 12 hours before her wedding day. SURELY I wouldn’t be more than a week overdue. Right?

April 17 was a Friday. It was a pretty normal day. The kids and I went to a birthday party that morning and I kind of wore myself out. Our sitter came that afternoon and hung out with the kids so I could rest. I had some contractions off and on through the afternoon but I kept pounding water to make sure they weren’t due to dehydration from being outdoors all morning. I also spent some time that day talking back and forth with my doula. She had arranged for a backup doula as well as a backup photographer so, even though I was sad that she would not be at Hattie’s birth, I knew all those bases were covered.

Contractions started to pick up around the kids’ bedtime. I showered and got our things together just in case. Around 9:30 I knew that we I would want to head to the birth center soon if contractions didn’t fizzle out. I called our sitter to come stay with the kids and let my midwife and doula know that we would be heading out around 11:00. When we left, I felt completely silly for going so early. I still wasn’t even sure I was actually in labor. I was talking/walking/thinking normally. But my contractions were every 5 minutes and had been for the last couple of hours so I did what I thought was best. I kept apologizing to Michael and our midwife, Christy, for probably causing everyone a lot of undue stress and lack of sleep because I was just sure we were going to show up at the birth center and everything was going to stop and we’d have to go home.

We arrived at the birth center a little after 11:00 PM. I was still having contractions but, again, was talking, joking, and acting normally between them. I could still talk through them at that point. But since they were still coming regularly we decided to settle in and treat this like it was the real thing. Our doula, Alexa, arrived around midnight. It was the first time I had met her and I instantly loved her. For the rest of the night, Michael and Alexa were always right there, taking care of everything I needed, many times anticipating what I would need before I even asked.

My first dose of antibiotics went in at 12:18. I ate a snack, sat on the birth ball, chatted, had some contractions. Nothing too intense yet. There was a dresser in our birth suite that was the perfect height for me to lean on when standing through contractions so I did that for awhile. Alexa used a rice wrap to apply heat to my lower back and that was miraculous. The birth suite was dark and quiet, I had my diffuser going (Valor + Frankincense = the best labor diffuser combo evah), it was all really peaceful and wonderful. Around 2:30 I was starting to get more uncomfortable and decided to get in the water. Before I got in the tub I had another snack. During our prenatal appointments, Christy had suggested I bring some homemade chicken broth with me to the birth center to have as as a snack during labor. I thought, “no way will I want that during labor but I’ll make it anyway.” I made it, took it with me, and it was THE BEST SNACK. Exactly what I wanted and needed!

The water felt amazing! I wasn’t sure how I would like the tub but as soon as I got in I knew it would be hard to get me out. I didn’t get to enjoy it for long, though, because things started picking up almost as soon as I got in the water. I loved the water, but being in the tub was a little awkward. I couldn’t get comfortable. Duh. I was in labor. But in my mind, I kept working to find comfortable position. Ha!

The next hour or so was almost sacred. It’s difficult to put words to it. One of my midwives, Jamie, came in every 20 minutes or so to monitor Hattie but, for the most part, it was just me, Michael, and Alexa in the tub room. It’s a beautiful, intimate space. Candles set the mood. Hymns played on my phone in the background. I lost all sense of time. I was totally relaxed and at peace. I was IN it, given over to the process. I felt like I was the only one in the room. I remember singing along with Kari Jobe’s “Be Still My Soul” as things continued to intensify. It was so intimate. The Lord’s presence was so real to me in those moments.

Contractions were long, hard, and right on top of one another for what seemed like forever. What’s taking so long? Why hasn’t my water broken? I’m probably only like 4 cm dilated. These are all thoughts going through my head at that point. Christy started my second round of antibiotics at 3:35. Strangely, almost as soon as the abx went in, I got a break. I remember almost falling asleep at one point. Looking back, I think I had already gone through transition and my body was laboring down a bit, preparing to push. As soon as the bag of abx finished I said “I need to push.” Christy told me later that she thinks my body was actually just waiting to push until it was time. I needed to get that second dose to be able to feel ready and move on to the next part of the process.

Oh, pushing. I thought I loved pushing. I loved pushing with Hope’s birth. It was relief. It was short (3 pushes and she was out). It was great! Not exactly the same experience this time around. I did NOT love pushing. It was NOT relief. It was NOT short, at least from my perspective. In reality, I pushed for about 15 minutes. But it felt like 15 years.

At some point, the room filled with people (2 midwives, birth assistant, and photographer, in addition to Michael and Alexa). I never knew when my water broke (Christy told me later that it broke while I was pushing). I regret being so out of it. My body was doing its own thing and I was just along for the ride. I didn’t realize that Hattie was out until I felt her on my chest. And then she was here! What a surreal moment. One moment there were 7 people in the room (yeah, it was a little crowded), and the next there were 8! On April 18 at 4:22 AM, Hattie Grace Sawilowsky entered the world.

We stayed in the tub for awhile letting her cord pulse out and the placenta be delivered. Then we all made our way back to the bed. I was examined (no tearing!), Hattie nursed like a champ, she had her newborn exam. She was perfect and we were in love. We enjoyed our herbal bath and then got ready to go home. I was exhausted but was high on endorphins and ready to get home to my other babies. Hattie was born at 4:22 a.m. and we were home by 7:30. Crazy! We arrived right after my parents go to our house and just as William and Hope were waking up for the day.

It was a beautiful birth. Everything I wanted (and didn't even know I wanted). And now, I kinda want to do this again. Please don't tell my husband. ;)

Hope's Birth Story

Looking back, I don't know whether to describe my labor as long or short.

Hope was born early on Sunday morning, December 16. I started having contractions the Wednesday evening before. They were fairly regular for several hours, but fizzled out when I went to bed. I had contractions off and on all day Thursday, but, again, they fizzled out when I went to bed. Friday morning I went to my chiropractor for an adjustment to try to help things along. I spent lots of time doing salsa circles on the exercise ball that afternoon to help Hope get into a good position. I had lots of contractions Friday evening, so much so that we sent William to spend the night with Michael's parents because I really thought we would be headed to the hospital at some point. My contractions slowed down when we went to bed, picked back up again around 4:00 a.m., and then stopped around 10:00 a.m. I took advantage of William being with grandparents, though. I rested, watched TV, tried to relax, and spent more time on the exercise ball. William came home later in the afternoon and we spent a fun evening together as a family. Lots of rolling around in the floor, laughing, tickling, reading books, and building block towers for William to gleefully knock down. While we were playing, I started noticing contractions picking back up and growing a little more painful. Michael went to pick up dinner while I bathed William and put him to bed. Contractions became increasingly regular, 5-7 minutes apart, at 8:00 p.m. Saturday evening. Michael and I ate dinner, watched some Parenthood, and I took a shower and finished packing my hospital bag. Then we set up camp in our bedroom. I made myself comfortable on the exercise ball, leaning over the foot of the bed onto some pillows to rest. We turned off the lights, watched some more TV, and waited to see what would happen. Michael's parents came over around 10:00 to stay the night at the house in case we needed to head to the hospital.

I called Jenni, my doula, around midnight. I wasn't having trouble managing the contractions on my own yet, but they were getting more intense and I wanted to make sure she was there when I needed her. I also didn't think the contractions were as strong as they should be and wanted to see if she could try some things (robozo, different positions, etc.) that might help move things along. She brought such a calm presence with her when she came into the house. Knowing that she and Michael were close by, even if they weren't saying anything, made me feel so comfortable and taken care of. Jenni applied heat to my low back, massaged my shoulders, and affirmed what I was already doing: trying to relax and not resist what my body was doing. My contractions were 4 minutes apart at that point.

At 1:30 I was starting to feel tired. Mostly my legs were tired since I had been standing and kneeling for several hours. I decided to lie down for a few contractions and rest. The first contraction I had while lying down was the turning point in my labor. Through all the previous contractions I had felt completely in control. I had no trouble staying on top of them, breathing through them, and relaxing. But this one was different. It hit me hard. It took my breath away. I also felt a slight "pop" during the contraction that, in hindsight, was my water breaking. But I didn't feel any fluid at the time (I had on a pad and thick yoga pants) so I didn't say anything. As if I could have said anything. I couldn't breathe!

Jenni encouraged me to get up, that lying down was generally the worst position for managing contractions. They started to come much closer together at that point. I felt completely overwhelmed by them. I knew I wanted to head to the hospital but I kept that to myself for awhile. I had intended to labor at home as long as possible and I was sure it was too soon. Afte awhile, though, I didn't care. The thought of enduring the drive to the hospital was becoming increasingly horrifying. I wanted to go. Jenni and Michael both tried to stall a bit and encouraged me to stay at home a bit longer. I kept saying that I knew it was too soon but that I wanted to go.

It probably took 30 minutes to put our things in the car and get me loaded up. I was only able to take a few steps between each contraction before I had to stop and deal with the next one. Jenni heated me two rice socks, one for my stomach and one for my back, to help with some pain relief during the car ride. It was about 2:30 when we left the house.

The ride to the hospital was probably the longest (and, most definitely, the worst) 15 minutes of my life. It felt like Michael was driving 10 miles per hour. And it felt like I was being split open from the inside. I started to feel an increasing amount of pressure, which I attributed to sitting down in the car. Michael tells me that I handled the car ride really well, but I felt totally out of control and completely at the mercy of what my body was doing. That was the point where I really began to doubt that I would be able to have an unmedicated birth. I just knew we were going to get to the hospital, they were going to tell me I was only dilated to 5 cm, and I would have nothing left to draw from to get through the remainder of labor. I could not imagine the pain getting any worse.

We arrived at the hospital about 2:50. Jenni noted that it was 2:52 when she was running through the parking lot to meet us at the ER entrance. It took a few minutes before I managed to get out of the car and into the wheelchair. I felt like I was having one, long contraction. Jenni took me inside while Michael went to park the car. They immediately admitted me in the ER and took me upstairs to Labor and Delivery. Jenni was so wonderful during that wheelchair ride. She was holding my hand, comforting me, and assuring me that I was about to meet my baby. The nurses at Admissions in L&D somehow coaxed my name, birthdate, and Social Security Number out of me and got me to initial and sign a few forms while I was standing at the desk (I couldn't sit any more!) working through contractions. I have NO IDEA what those forms said. I could have been signing away the rights to my child for all I knew. I just figured if I did what they told me, they would leave me alone!

When Michael and I toured the hospital a month before Hope's birth, we got to see the amazing birth tub and water birth suite they had. I hadn't been sold on the idea of a water birth before then, but, after seeing the tub, I knew that was what I wanted to do. I wanted dim lights, soft music, and wonderful warm water when we welcomed Hope into the world. However, since there was only one tub available for the whole hospital, I had been concerned that it wouldn't be available when I needed it. We asked at admissions and I was relieved to hear that that room was free!

They wheeled me down the hall to the room. I stood up out of the wheel chair and immediately had to lean over onto the bed to get through a contraction. I remember one nurse telling me to go into the bathroom and change into a gown. I told her I couldn't move. Another nurse told me to get onto the bed so they could check my progress. I told her I couldn't move. My doula went to fill up the tub. Michael was still parking the car. I had my eyes closed and my back turned to most of the activity in the room, still standing beside the bed, but I could tell that there was lots going on behind me. Nurses were calling out instructions to each other, one of the midwives from my care provider practice arrived (though I had no idea which one until after Hope was born!), the midwife's phone was ringing as they were trying to call her to my room (not realizing she was already there), someone was helping me take my yoga pants off, nurses laid towels down on the floor where I was standing, my doula came back, and, finally, Michael arrived. He and Jenni sat on the other side of the bed, facing me, so they could support me. As if on cue, knowing that everything was ready, my body decided it was time to push. But I thought it was too soon so I tried to hold back. It still hadn't dawned on me that it was time to have this baby! The midwife checked my progress and I heard her say, "Alright. You're ready."

I don't remember making the conscious decision to push. My body just sort of took over and did it. What a relief pushing was! In our childbirth class, I had heard that some women hated pushing and other women loved it. I'm thankful I was in the latter category! For William's birth I had an epidural. That, coupled with the fact that he was OP (sunny side up), meant that I pushed for 2 hours before he was born. Until the very end, when the epidural was wearing off, I couldn't really feel anything. It was such an amazing experience to be able to feel Hope being born! I don't recall exactly how long I pushed, but it couldn't have been more than a couple minutes. Before I knew it, I heard Michael and the midwife both telling me to reach down and pick up the baby. Michael says the image that is burned into his memory from that morning is me, standing by the hospital bed, holding just-born Hope on my chest with her umbilical cord still attached. I absolutely couldn't believe what had just happend. My mind was reeling. I was crying and laughing and in a little bit of shock, I think. Hope was born at 3:04 a.m. We couldn't have been in the hospital room for more than 5 minutes at that point.

They got me and Hope onto the bed and checked us both out. Thankfully, we didn't even have to ask for them to wait to clamp the cord until it pulsed out. I don't think either Michael or I would have remembered that detail at the time. My midwife just did it. Once they had taken Hope's initial Apgars, Michael had cut the cord, and I delivered the placenta, they left us alone for at least an hour. Hope laid on my chest, tried to nurse, Michael and I called our families, and my nurse took my "pre-delivery" blood work and asked me all of the questions that are usually asked upon admission to the hospital. They then took Hope to weigh her (6 lbs, 14 oz) and measure her (19 3/4"). They let Michael apply her prophylactic eye ointment. He put it in her eyebrows just like we had talked about (since I don't have STDs, there was no reason for her to have that goopy stuff in her eyes disrupting post-delivery bonding) and the nurses were totally fine with it.

I got myself up out of bed, changed clothes, freshened up a bit and then we were off to our postpartum room. I felt amazing! Slightly sore and a little tired, but otherwise like my old self. My recovery from William's delivery was long and painful. It was such a nice surprise to feel like I could have resumed all my normal activities almost immediately after delivering Hope.

This definitely was not the birth I imagined, but it was everything I wanted: an unmedicated birth with personal, warm care in an environment that supported the choices Michael and I made for Hope's birth and her care. This experience makes me want to have 5 more kids, just to be able to do all of it again! Almost. :)

Here are some pictures from the hospital. The ones from directly after Hope was born were taken by my wonderful doula, Jenni King.

Calling our families (who we were supposed to call when we left for the hospital)

Tania, the midwife who delivered Hope 

Me with both my kiddos 

Michael and his baby girl

Hope and Jenni

Seventeen Months!

Dear William,

I have been meaning to write you another letter for months now and can never seem to find the time. I wonder why? Oh, yes...it's probably because you, my darling boy, are a total handful! Life is never, ever boring. Or quiet. Or relaxing. Or clean. At least when you're awake. And I love it. Most of the time. :)

Physical Development
You started walking when you were 14 months old. We knew you were physically ready and able to walk long before then, but you just weren't ready. One day, though, you just decided you were ready. You had only taken a few practice steps-2 or 3 at a time-until then. But one day you just let go. You were halfway across the family room before I knew it! You haven't slowed down since then. A few weeks later you figured out how to stand up on your own, without pulling up on anything, and that was pretty much the end of your crawling. I think since you waited until a little later to start walking, you were physically strong and coordinated enough to avoid too many falls. You're now running, turning, walking sideways and backwards. You're unstoppable!

You have 7 teeth now. Your molars are coming in and you're chewing and drooling again like crazy!

Talking
You LOVE to communicate! It makes you so happy when you sign or say or tell us something in another way and we understand you. You also must be acknowledged when you talk. If not, you just keep saying the same thing over and over, usually at increasing volume.

You say: ah-choo! (when someone sneezes or coughs and when you burp), all done, ball, bath, bird, book, brush, bye-bye, car, dada, dog, hat, hot, keys, mama, that, what's that? ("wha da?"), where did it go? ("a go?")

You sign: airplane, all done, apple, ball, banana, bath, book, car, cheese, cold, dog, eat, flower, glove, hat, leaf, milk, more, no, please, read, rain, shhhhh, shoes, thank you, want

Eating
Until recently, you would eat almost anything I put in front of you with a few exceptions. I think you're finally starting to exhibit some typical toddler pickiness when it comes to food. You still don't like many things that are considered "kid food," like spaghetti or pizza. In fact, you don't like most foods that have any kind of sauce on them. I guess I should be happy, though, because you would eat fruit all day long if I'd let you. At least I know you're getting lots of good things that way. You also love chicken, black beans, cheese, pasta (but not if it has tomato sauce on it), green beans (most of the time), and anything snacky like crackers and anything sweet, which we don't let you have too often. Your new favorite thing is apples! You want them whole, with the peel on. You will sit in your high chair for about half an hour and just eat away. You still only drink milk and water.

Playing/Learning
You are a non-stop bundle of destruction energy from the time you get up in the morning! You love to play, but mostly with big people things. You rarely focus on any of your toys for very long, but you can spend a long time pushing a broom around the house, pulling dishes out of a bottom drawer, putting on/taking off gloves, or emptying your backpack or Mama's purse. You love putting things into other things (pipe cleaners into a jar, balls into a bucket, bites of food into the cup holder on your highchair tray), taking lids on and off (water bottles are your favorite), and opening and closing things with hinges (like boxes and doors). You love music and when Mama sings to you. You do some of the motions to "10 Little Monkeys," "The Itsy Bitsy Spider," "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes," and "The Wheels on the Bus."

Your very favorite things to play with right now are cars. No, not toys ones. The real ones. Almost every night, Daddy takes you out and lets you play in his truck when he gets home from work. You push all the buttons, take the keys in and out of the ignition, and pretend to drive. You make stellar car engine noises. You like to play in Mama's car, too. Your favorite button in her car is the one that turns on the hazard lights. :)

You like to read books. You're becoming really opinionated about which books are read to you, though, especially at bedtime. Many times we'll go through all the books on the shelf before we finally find the one that that makes you lay back against us and relax. You don't really have a favorite. It seems to change every night. You always want to read something different, but if there is a dog or a car/truck of any kind in the book, chances are you'll enjoy it.

You're getting pretty good at identifying parts of your body. You can point to your tummy, head, hair, nose, ears, and tongue (well, mostly you just stick out your tongue instead of pointing to it). You're also understanding a lot of things we say to you. If I ask if you want to take off your shoes, most of the time you'll sit down so I can do it. If we say that it's bath time, you head to the bathroom. You throw your diaper away on your own and will sometimes return things to their place and close the cabinet door or drawer if I ask you to..

You love TV waaaaay too much. You were sick with a virus about a month ago and were so sick and mopey that we let you watch more TV than normal. Those 2 days apparently ruined you and we've been working to get you to not want to watch TV all the time when you're awake. When you do get to watch TV, your favorites are "Blue's Clues," "The Wiggles," and "Signing Time."

Sleeping
You are still a great sleeper. Aside from a few rough patches here and there, you always have been. You sleep 12 hours at night without a peep. You dropped your morning nap right around the time you turned 1 and usually nap from around 11:30-1:30 now. You're still in your crib, sleeping in a sleep sack. Next month we'll be trying you out in a big boy bed!

Rites of Passage
You took your first trip to the ER on September 3. We were eating at a restaurant for Nana's birthday and you had an accident with a glass. You cut your right hand really badly and had to get 10 stitches. TEN! You were as brave as a little guy like you could be expected to be and you really enjoyed the popsicle you got after they finished your stitches. The stitches stayed in for 2 weeks. We had to clean your hand and change the bandage twice a day and we all became old pros at it! It never really slowed you down at all, either. You didn't want to put weight on your hand for a few days after the accident, but got over that pretty quickly. Your hand is still healing, and you'll have a pretty nice scar to show around someday. I'm sure that won't be our last trip to the ER, but Mama isn't anxious to do it again soon. So be careful, OK?

A few days after your accident you started Mother's Day Out. This gives Mama some time to run some errands and get things done around the house so that when you're home she can focus more attention on you. And it gives you some time out of the house so you don't get so bored! You have 6 or 7 other kids in your class. You go to music and get to play outside every day. You hear Bible stories and play with new, interesting toys. You eat your lunch there and then go right to sleep when we get home. Around the time you started walking, you started having pretty bad separation anxiety. You would be so sad and clingy when we dropped you off at the nursery at church on Sundays. You were the same way the first few times we left you at MDO, but you are starting to get over this fear. I think it is helping you to go to MDO regularly, have the same teachers, and learn that you can expect to have fun for a few hours and then Mama will come back to get you.

Your Daddy and I love you so much, little man! Even though most of the time I feel completely at a loss for what to do with you and all your energy and enthusiasm, I am so thankful that I'm your Mama. It seems like you change a little bit or learn a little more every day, sometimes every minute. I can't wait to see what the next days, weeks, and months hold.

Happy Birthday, William!

Dear William,

Today you are one year old! I think this has simultaneously been the fastest and the longest year in mine and your Daddy's lives. It has also, without a doubt, been one of the best. And scariest. And most fun. You have brought more joy into our home than we even knew was possible. We love you so much!

You are at such a fun age right now. You learn new things every day and constantly make us laugh.

• You pull up on anything that is remotely stable and cruise like a pro. Occasionally, you get this look in your eye like you might turn loose and try out walking, but you haven't yet.
• "Bird" is officially your first (and favorite) word. You say it whenever you hear or see a bird (or anything you think might be a bird, including police sirens and leaves blowing through the air).
• You also say "banana" (ma-MA-ma), "mama," and "bye-bye" (ba). You also wave most of the time you say bye.
• If you want to go outside, you beg to be held and then start waving and saying bye. You LOVE to be outside. If you can't be outside, you like to position yourself at our front window so you can at least keep an eye on things.
• You can clap your hands, pat your tummy, and touch your nose on command. You also clap your hands anytime anyone says "Yay!" or "Good job!"
• For the longest time we thought you were never going to crawl on your hands and knees. But now we know that you can because we've seen you do it, but only occasionally because you're just much faster on your tummy!
• As a testament to our family's lifestyle right now, you love to play with suitcases. Especially ones with handles that go up and down. 
• You love to play with cars and almost always make the motor noise as you drive them across the floor. You have also been known to "drive" your food across your highchair tray.
• Daddy taught you a fun game a few weeks ago while he was "teaching" you to fall down in your crib (aka knocking you down). Now when you wake up from your naps we often find you pulling up and falling down over and over again all by yourself. You crack yourself up!
• We didn't teach you this intentionally, but every time someone says "hello!" you put your hand to your ear like you're answering the phone.
• You are a really good eater! You love food so much that, whenever you see food that you want, you say "Mmmmmmmm!" A few weeks ago you even did it during the Lord's Supper at church.
• You sign "more," "all done," and "eat." I think I've seen you sign "ball," "car," "shoes," and "dog," too, but I'm not 100% sure yet.
• In an effort to teach you not to throw your sippy cup on the floor during meal time, I started clapping and making a huge celebration of it when you or anyone else put your cup in the cup holder on your high chair. You love to be praised, so now, usually once during every meal time, you will pick up your cup just a bit and shift it around in its holder and then look at me and start to clap, waiting for me to praise you. You usually do this at least 10 times in a row before you tire of it. 
• You think hiccups are hilarious!

As your personality develops more and more, I can't help but be so excited for the future. I can't wait to see what kind of (little) man you become. 

Your Daddy and I love you, sweet boy! Happy Birthday!

1 day old

1 week before his first birthday

Midnight Musings

William hasn't been sleeping well at night lately. I think he's going through some sort of weird phase because he's also been cranky and clingy during the day and fighting his naps, too. Let's just say that I hope this phase end really really soon! When I talk to other moms, a lot of them mention similar phases around the 1-year mark. Why wasn't I warned?

Anyway, all these hours spent awake during the middle of the night have yielded some silly, introspective, pointless, and profound (or at least they seem profound at 3:00 in the morning) thoughts that I thought I would write down:

• "I Need the Every Hour," the hymn that kept running through my head as a prayer/meditation for strength and patience, could also have been William's mantra for the last week. Get it? Because he needed me every hour?
• I am very thankful for the promise in Scripture that my Father never slumbers or sleeps. Nor does he need to.
• I turn into a complete softie when Michael is out of town.
• Having an almost one-year old is kind of like having a newborn. Because of being up all night. Also, my almost one-year old eats 6 times in a 12 hour period.
• I have a hard time with silence. And solitude. And being still.
• I have changed A LOT in the last year.
• I require A LOT less sleep than I thought a year ago.
• The original hardwood floors in our 1950s house sure are pretty, but they are not your ally when you're trying to sneak out of your child's room once he's finally fallen asleep.

I seem to think that there were others, but they escape me at the moment. Aside from the fatigue, I've actually enjoyed these last few nights of extra snuggle time with my little man. He is so high energy and always on the move during the day that having him still and quiet in my arms is pretty nice.

2012 Resolutions

Happy 2012, everyone! But, seriously...what happened to 2011? I feel like most of the year passed in either a pre-baby preparation frenzy or a post-baby sleep deprived haze. Anybody feel me? I don't think I even bothered making any resolutions for 2011. Since I had no idea what the year was going to be like, I guess I didn't see the point. Well, I'm not doing that again this year! And because I do much better with goals that are written down, I figured I'd publish my 2012 resolutions here.

1. Get Healthy

Normally, this resolution would be worded differently: "Lose Weight." However, I think I've finally made my peace with the fact that I'm probably not going to lose the rest of my pregnancy weight until William is weaned (and that is hopefully still several months away). And, Lord willing, I'll get pregnant again at some point this year and losing weight and pregnancy don't really go together. So, I decided to resolve to "get healthy" and choose to take smaller measures to make that happen that are attainable in my current life stage and will benefit me whether I'm nursing, working hard to lose weight, or pregnant.

• Drink 64 oz. of water each day
• Eat 5-6 servings of fruits and vegetables each day
• Get 30 minutes of moderate exercise 3-4 times a week
• Take my multivitamin every day (I forget this a lot)

2. De-clutter/Simplify my house

I'm planning to follow this calendar from MySimplerLife as a guide, but I'm under no illusions that I will complete every day, or even the majority of the days. Tomorrow, for example, I'm supposed to set up a donation station, but I will probably spend the majority of my day tomorrow trying to finally get Christmas decorations put away (don't judge me...my sister had a baby last week so today is the first day I've been home since Christmas). But, as part of this resolution, I'm resolving not to stress out if I miss a day here and there on the calendar. I figure if I just do one day a month I'll do more than I would have done otherwise, right? My ultimate goal is for everything in our house to have a place that it belongs (and "in that stack on the counter" is not an acceptable place for anything to belong).

3. Teach William to fall asleep for naps on his own

I know, I know. He's 8 months old and I still rock him to sleep for his naps. I should be ashamed, right? Well, I'm not. He's such a great night time sleeper that teaching him to fall asleep on his own for naps has not been anywhere close to the top of my list of priorities. And I love the cuddle time. But now I figure he's old enough to figure it out and, once he learns to do it, it will free some time up in my day. Also, it will make it much easier to leave him with a sitter.

4. Show hospitality more regularly

I love having people in my home, but I am awful at making it happen on a regular basis. Whether it's failing to offer an invitation or failing to be prepared for spontaneous opportunities to open our home, I just don't do a great job at making this happen. I would like to have people in our home more, whether it's just having some other moms and their kiddos over for coffee and a play date or throwing a fun dinner party. And I want to be better about keeping my home ready for hospitality: tidy (but not obsessively perfect) and stocked (simple drinks on hand, a brownie mix in the pantry).

5. Have 1 date night with Michael each month

We have been awful about having date nights since William. We have had 2 since April. That's 2 in 8 months. Not so great. So we're resolving together to have at least 1 date night a month. Anybody want to babysit? :)

6. Spend time each day in dedicated prayer and Bible reading

Again, this is an area where I have had zero consistency in the last 8 months. But, realizing that none of the goals listed above are profitable or attainable if attempted in my own strength, I want to set aside time each day to read the Word and pray, whether it's 3 minutes or 30.

Well, there they are. Feel free to ask me how things are going at any time. :)

And if you want to read some really great thoughts of making New Year's Resolutions, check on this blog.

All the Little Things

Dear William,

You are 6 months old now. It's hard to believe that you've been in our lives for half of a year! Even though you're still a little baby, you are growing so much and so quickly and I find myself missing your tiny newborn snuggles and sounds. I'm so afraid that I'll forget all these sweet things as you grow and change. There are so many little things that I never want to forget.

We are thinking of nicknaming you "No Nap Willie," even though we said that we never wanted anyone to call you Willie. :) But seriously, you aren't a great napper. You sleep really well at night, but even though I can tell that you are exhausted during the day you have a hard time sleeping for more than 30 minutes at a time. You usually wake up happy so I let you play and talk in your bed for awhile before getting you up. I guess I have this silly idea that you might fall back to sleep. Crazy, I know. Anyway, these days your favorite thing to do while you're waiting for me to get you up is to pull off your socks and chew on them. Almost every time I get you up from your nap I find you with a soaking wet sock in your mouth.

You love baby food, especially sweet potatoes. You get so excited when I'm feeding you that you starts shoving your bib in your mouth trying to eat it. Also, at least once during a feeding, I put the spoon full of baby food to your mouth and you blow into it. Food goes everywhere, but mostly up your nose. It makes me giggle to thing that everything probably smells like sweet potatoes (or apples, or green beans, or squash) for the rest of the day.

When I nurse you and you're not sleepy, you spend most of the time grabbing your foot with your hand and straightening and bending your leg over and over in some sort of weird, baby Pilates move. It's cute, but you sure are wiggly and distracted so nursing takes longer than it should.

My hair has become your favorite toy within the last few weeks. You play with it while you're nursing, while I'm changing your diaper, while I'm rocking you before putting you down for your nap...pretty much any time it's within arms reach for you. My favorite, though, is when you lay your head down on my shoulder and run your fingers through my hair as you fall asleep.

You started rolling over really well about a month ago. Since then, you've adopted two new sleep positions: on your right side in a perfect "L" shape or face down on your tummy. And I mean literally face down. You don't turn your head even a little, just bury your face in the mattress. It still makes me a little nervous that you do that because I think you're going to suffocate, but I figure the only thing I can do about it is sit by your bed all night long and flip you to your back over and over again. And, let's face it, I'm not going to do that. :)

Oh, how you love bath time! I think it must tickle a little bit when I scrub your legs and feet because you grin and laugh every time. You are completely fascinated when I pour water over your fingers and onto your tummy. You can't figure out why you can't grab the water like you grab everything else.

I love to hear you laugh. You have this great belly laugh when you really get going. You laugh the most when you're tired and no one can get you to laugh like your Daddy.

You are such a friendly baby! You show absolutely no fear of strangers so far. You are in heaven when you are surrounded by people who are paying attention to you and passing you around. Every once in awhile, though, you'll take a quick look around, just to make sure Daddy or I are still nearby.

You have such a bright and quick smile. You still have no teeth, so your smile is all gums. When you smile really big, you can see the outline of your front bottom teeth that will be coming in soon.

You love music and I sing to you all the time. We sing silly songs mostly, because you prefer tunes that are upbeat. If you're fussing, usually all it takes to snap you out of it is for me to start singing. "You Are My Sunshine" is probably your favorite song, though "The Wheels On the Bus" is way up there on the list, especially Daddy's special version.

Daddy and I think that you will be an early talker because you are already so verbal. Your favorite sound is "ma ma ma ma." You say it over and over again and you make the sound by tucking your bottom lip way into your mouth under your top gums. You look so funny! Even though I know you're not saying "Mama," I always try to respond when you say it so that you'll learn that that's what to call me. :)

It's bittersweet to watch you grow. It's sad knowing that, with each passing day, you're becoming less and less like that tiny little baby that was completely dependent on me and wanted to snuggle all the time. But each new accomplishment is so exciting and I can't wait to see the person you'll become. Your Daddy and I love you so much. Being your Mama is the best job I've ever had!

Mama